I Don't Understand It
by Christlove88
Summary: Owen learns the past, the present and the future of a newer friend that shock and sometimes even appal him, but as he learns more he is determined to be there for her. He may even find love in the process. Lots of conversation rather than action in this story.
1. The Shock of Sickness

I Don't Understand It

**A/N: Legally I don't own or have any affiliation with Degrassi or Epitome, just the idea.**

**The title for this story comes from a line said by John-Boy Walton to his father in The Inferno episode (about The Hindenburg disaster) of The Waltons, which I also have no affiliation with.**

**I want to thank Halawen for her continued support and help with this and all my stories. Go read hers if you haven't before.**

**Things to know:**

**The BBQ is at Owen's house and occurs the day after his graduation**

**Clare and Eli didn't get back together after Cam's death so he doesn't know about Asher or cancer**

**This story is a lot of conversation rather than action, but this is needed.**

**Ch 1. The Shock of Sickness**

**(OWEN)**

"Why?" is all I can say as I look down at the girl lying in my arms in the hospital bed asleep. She had already been through tests in the emergency room, and was now set up in her own room, but no one really told me anything, but let me sit with her.

"Owen?" a voice in the room questions making me look up from the still beautiful but pale face. Standing just inside the door is Drew, with a teary eyed Bianca.

"What happened?" Bianca whispers, unable to get any louder through her tears.

I have to take a deep breath and look down at the face lying on my chest before I look up at two of my best friends. "You're gonna want to sit for what I have to tell you," I tell them. "We were outside dancing together in the backyard, and there weren't too many people outside at that point, and then she fainted in my arms." I hear Bianca gasp. "So I carried her up to my room, laid her on my bed and got her a drink of water, cause I thought she just fainted from the heat. It is late June after all," I get out before I'm interrupted.

"It wasn't just the heat then?" Bianca asks, and her voice is a little stronger now.

"No, she said it wasn't. So I gave her a few sips and got her to wake up and she smiled up at me. Did you know how bright her blue eyes are? They look like an unending ocean, but like they were searching my soul." I stop talking and smile at the memory of her waking and looking up at me. Drew and Bianca must have noticed my smile.

"Never looked close enough for that," Drew comments with a laugh.

Bianca smacks his arm lightly. "You like her don't you?" she asks looking at me, and I know I'm blushing. I nod slightly and I'm about to answer her and continue with what happened when in walks a nurse, who is looking slightly panicked. She looks at the bed and then the chart in her hand again before she says anything, and I can see we all look slightly more worried now.

"I just got on shift and saw her name on the chart and rushed right in," she tells us. "I didn't even know she was sick."

"I'm sorry, but are you like this with all your patients, or is this a special circumstance?" Bianca questions. She gets snarky when she's annoyed, and it comes out even worse if she's upset. "Cause if you don't have specific news on her condition, then get out, because you're interrupting a very important story," Bianca finishes glaring at the young nurse who looks only a few years older than us, and now looks shocked on top of panicked and upset.

"Bianca," I say in a semi-harsh tone to my friend. "I'm sorry about that. We're all just on edge waiting for news," I tell the nurse.

"Thank you," the nurse tells me, "but it's alright, I'm just as worried as you all are. My name's Emma Nelson-Mason and I've known Clare since she was little. My husband and I are both friends with her sister Darcy, and think of Clare as a little sister, and we aren't the only ones. As she's gotten older we haven't had as much chance to spend time together though," she tells us, and reaches out to shake each of our hands.

"I'm Owen, this is Bianca and Drew," I say motioning toward them both. "I'm glad she has some family around even if you aren't related. I didn't realize she had a sister, just her step-brother Jake."

"Ya, Darcy moved to Africa when Clare was starting grade 9 at Degrassi for personal reasons and after the first year decided to stay," Emma tells us and this worries me a little. "I'm glad she has the three of you, although I'm surprised Helen isn't here being her bitchy, controlling self," Emma comments and we all laugh a bit. "I have to get to work, and call my husband about Clare, but if I find out anything on her condition I'll let you guys know," she tells us.

"Thanks, and I'm sorry for the remark," Bianca tells Emma.

"It's alright," Emma says with a small smile toward Bianca before she leaves the room.

I look down at Clare still in my arms asleep. I know about her parent's divorce and her mom marrying Glen Martin giving Clare her former boyfriend Jake as a step-brother. I had only met her mom once, and she seemed a little bitchy but I thought maybe it was a bad day, but from the way Emma spoke, maybe that's how Helen has always been. But Clare always seemed happy and could deal with what came at her positively, especially when it came to her faith. But from what Clare and what little Emma just said, maybe there's more to Clare's past and her life then I knew. I mean, I didn't even know she had a sister.

I look up into the quiet room and break the silence. "Did either of you know about Clare's sister?" I ask them both. Bianca shakes her head at me.

"I remember Adam once mentioning Clare having an older sister, but at the time I didn't really know Clare so I didn't think much of it," Drew says. "As she was never around, I just figured she was away at school or something, not living in Africa."

"I wonder what would have made her move to Africa? Especially just when Clare was starting high school and could have used her older sister," Bianca speaks up and I look at her. "What? Just because I didn't have an older sister doesn't mean I don't know how much having a sister, especially at that age can mean to a girl," she says somewhat defensively.

I realize now that I want to learn more about Clare's family and past. As she can't tell me right now I think Emma would be the person to talk to.

"So how about more of that story?" Bianca speaks up, knocking me out of my thoughts.

For a moment I have to remember where I left off. "Right, she woke up and I really noticed her eyes for the first time," I start, smiling again. "But I was worried about her, and I asked her to tell me what was going on. She told me she needed to start at the beginning, which meant grade 10, and would get to why she fainted as the story went on. So I held her as we lay on my bed and she told me about meeting Eli and their connection," I role my eyes as I say this. Her rebellious reaction to her parent's divorce and dealing with Eli's issues with hoarding and Julia, which I knew about, but only as school gossip. She told me about Eli crashing his car for her, and writing that play about him, Clare and Fitz. Plus how Katie made the play Clare's newspaper assignment for the year which was quite awkward."

"Ok, I'm sure everyone at school knows parts or versions of all of that stuff between Clare and Eli, but I didn't know Katie made Clare do the play to be on the paper," Drew says interrupting me. "But shouldn't that stuff have tipped Clare off to something not being right with Eli? I mean he crashed a car, he hoarded. Adam told me he shot Julia's photo for crying out loud."

"Love is blind, but Clare did break up with him knowing something wasn't right, which is why he crashed his car," Bianca points out to her boyfriend.

"You're right Bianca, love can be blind when it's not right," I tell my friends before I continue with the story.

**(Emma)**

"Gaea, I need to make an important phone call before I come on shift," I tell the front desk emergency room receptionist as I walk by the desk.

"Alright, but don't be too long," she tells me with a kind smile. "I'll be off soon, but I'll be back before your shift finishes tonight," she tells me. She could see the look of sadness on my face I'm sure, which is why she let me make the call after I left a sleeping Clare and her friends. I headed into the employee locker room, and took my phone out of my locker, finding Spinner's name to call him before moving toward the coffee maker. It rings twice before it's answered.

"Hello beautiful," Spinner answers when he picks up.

"Spin," I start with a shaky voice as I think about Clare.

"Em, what's wrong? Are you alright? What's going on?" Spinner says very quickly, with an edge of panic in his voice.

"No I'm alright, it's Clare, Spinner, she's here in the hospital and she's very sick. I saw her name and rushed right to her room when I arrived, but could only stay a few minutes before I start my shift. I told Gaea I needed to make an important phone call before I started my shift though. Will you call Jay, Peter and Lucas and let them know she's here please," I tell my husband as I sit on the couch with my coffee before I spill it because I'm now crying and struggling to see.

"Of course I'll call them. But I'm coming over as soon as I'm done. I want to check on you and Clare. How is she?"

"Thank you Spinner. She's in room 219 and she's got a few friends with her, but they're all very scared right now, and haven't been told much, and I don't know very much at the moment either. I don't know where her mom and step-father are. But I think she needs family right now and at the moment the group of us are the closest thing she's got, with Darcy still in Africa. Maybe you should try calling Jake too. He might know where her parents are."

"Alright, I'll make the phone calls, and then I'll be over, you get to work. I love you Emma," he tells me and blows a kiss through the phone.

"Thank you and I love you too Spinner," I tell him, blow a kiss back and hang up. I pour my coffee in the sink and toss the cup. It had gotten cold while I spoke to Spinner, and it never tastes all that good anyway. Then I put my phone in my pocket before entering the main hospital to begin my shift.

I deal with a few patients in the emergency ward, and doing my job the best I can, hoping that Clare will be alright. When I get a moment, I check Clare's chart for the name of the doctor treating her so I can talk to him. After all, her friends deserve to know what's going on, especially if her actual family isn't around. I see it is Doctor Evans. I don't deal with him often unless I'm transferring a patient up to his ward, but the few times I've spoken to him, he's been very kind, and has a good bed-side manner. Much better than some doctors I've worked with.

I put Clare's chart back, without looking at it further. I'd rather hear any news directly from the doctor working on treating her. I'll speak to him the first chance I get, but I hope he'll be down to check on her again soon. Now I need to get back to work.

**(OWEN)**

"So as Clare had to deal with Eli's weird play, as well as his bipolar diagnosis and him going on and off his meds with Imogen's encouragement, Clare was also trying to figure out her relationship with Jake. He went from the mean little boy who threw frogs at her, to being her boyfriend, along with Imogen's craziness. Did you guys know, that Eli was jealous of Jake so he wanted to plant his meds in Jake's bag and tipped off the cops, but Imogen believed she could have Eli if Clare was out of the way, and planted the drugs in Clare's bag and Clare was almost arrested? Eli told the truth, but still."

"Wow, that is seriously messed up," Drew started, "Adam told me about Eli's diagnosis, but I didn't know he stopped taking his meds or that Clare was almost arrested due to he and Imogen. I'm glad he told the truth, but Clare seriously deserves better, and I really need to keep a better eye on my brother. I mean Clare and Eli accepted him right from the start when most people didn't," and I remember my reaction when I found out. I look over at B and see she feels just as ashamed as I do. "But I don't think that Eli is a good influence or safe for Adam to be around," Drew continues, "I need to talk to him when he gets back from camp with Connor."

"Ya I think talking to Adam would be a good idea, but Clare did tell me through her story that Eli will be attending NYU this fall and will be leaving this week for an internship there. Actually, she told me they got back together over Christmas break, but he was smoking weed with Jake, and then read her diary and was jealous of her past with Jake. Plus he's been so focused on NYU that he didn't ever see what was happening in her life. But when he found Cam's body in the greenhouse, he wouldn't talk to her, took MDMA with some niner chick first at a rave, and then again, ran through the halls and hugged Mr. Simpson naked, and blamed everything that went wrong in their whole relationship on Clare."

"What a jackass!" Bianca jumps up, interrupting me, calling into the quiet room, where the only other noises were the sounds of the machines Clare was hooked up to. "I can't believe everything he put her through. I know they didn't get back together after that final time, because Clare told me, but what did you mean that Eli didn't pay attention to what was going on in Clare's life cause he was so focused on NYU? Is that what all this is about?" Bianca asked, motioning around the hospital room we were in and Clare still lying in my arms. I understand what Bianca is feeling as I had much the same reaction when Clare told me.

I open my mouth to continue, when I see nurse Emma and a doctor, along with a short guy with a buzz cut, a tall guy with dark brown hair and Lucas Valieri walk into the hospital room together. I'm hoping Emma and the doctor have good news. I am shocked and almost dismayed wondering what in the world Lucas is doing here and have no idea who the other two are, although as soon as they enter, the guy with the buzz cut puts his arm around nurse Emma, so now I'm curious if he's her husband.

"Do you have any news on her condition doctor?" Drew asks, knocking me out of my thoughts, as I was still focused on the three guys who came in with Emma and the doctor.

"Not really at this time son. At the moment we need to take her for some more tests, but when we know something definitive I will personally be back to tell her family," he tells us. "I'm sorry, but we need to move her, so I'll need to ask you to move off the bed now," the doctor tells me. I gently life Clare's upper body and shift so I am no longer under her, before gently placing her head back on the pillows I was leaning against, before getting off the bed completely. It's then I notice another nurse and two orderlies have entered and begin moving Clare to a gurney to take her out of the room. Once they have moved her and left the room, I go to the bathroom. When I come out I sit on Clare's bed again, and the others have found places to sit or lean against the walls within the room.

"Hi Lucas and Emma," Bianca says once the room is quiet. "Hi, to you two also," she says with a small wave to the two other guys who came in with them.

Emma smiled, "Bianca, Owen and Drew, I would like you to meet my husband Spinner, and this is his best friend Jay, and you already know Lucas I see. They along with our friend Peter, are like older siblings to Clare.

"It's nice to meet you," I say with a wave to the older boys, as Drew says hi to them also.

"Hi," Spinner says with a smile.

"Hey," Jay says.

"Hey B, Owen, nice to meet you Drew," Lucas says coming over giving me a high five, and Bianca a hug, before shaking hands with Drew.

"I didn't know you knew Clare Lucas, especially to be like an older brother to her," I comment.

"She babysat for Izzy, and was friends with Jane and Mia. So I got to know her, but we didn't become closer until that summer, after Spinner and I resolved our difference. Then I became another older brother," he tells us.

"Oh, I called Peter and Jake, and both said they would leave right away, and get here as soon as they could," Spinner tells us all.

"Good," Emma says.

"So, not that I'm complaining about Clare having more and new friends, because I'm sure she could use all the friends she can get right now, but where are Adam, Alli and Jenna, or even Eli?" Jay asks us all.

"Well, Adam's my little brother and he's away with his friend Connor at summer camp," Drew tells him.

"Oh ok, ya, Connor did say he was going away to camp this summer," Emma mentions, and we all look at her. "My step-dad is Mr. Simpson, his Godfather," she tells us, and now I really want to talk to her more about Clare's past, but don't get the chance to when Bianca speaks up.

"Alli got sent away to an all girls private school by her parents after the last time she got in serious trouble at Degrassi and after Jenna had Tyson with KC and they gave him up for adoption, KC moved to BC, and Jenna went to live with her brother. Their friendship was never the same after Jenna stole KC from Clare," Bianca comments. She had never really gotten along with Alli, especially when it came to Drew, and didn't ever get to know Jenna beyond reputation.

"Wow, I guess we've missed more about Clare's life in the last year or so, than we realized," Jay comments offhandedly, looking at the others. "So, what about Eli? And how did all of you become friends with Clare?"

"Actually, I was just telling Drew and Bianca about Eli and Clare. Let's just suffice it to say, they are done, it didn't end nicely, and he's leaving for an internship at NYU later this week before starting there this fall. But, as this year's gone by Clare's been spending more time at Adam's, and with Drew being his brother, Bianca being Drew's girlfriend, and the three of us being best friends, we've become good friends with Clare too and she and Bianca are super close now," I explain to them.

"Ya, she's probably the closest girlfriend I've ever had, which is why I want Owen to continue telling us what Clare was dealing with earlier this year that Eli didn't notice," Bianca says looking back at me.

"I'd like to hear this too, but my break is almost over, so I have to get back to work, but will be back in later. Probably on my lunch break," Emma says and then kisses Spinner before saying goodbye, which we return, before she leaves the room.

"So what's been happening?" Lucas questions.

"Clare told me that a few weeks after she started her co-op at The Interpreter, she was working late one night on her article about Eli's play with help from her co-op boss Asher and while they were working together he kissed her," is all I get out before the room erupts with angry voices.

"WHAT?!" yell out Jay and Lucas at the same time, and look ready to kill. Now I'm almost afraid to continue telling them what Clare told me, but I was furious when she told me too.

"Why didn't she tell us?" Spinner calls out, but doesn't get a response.

Bianca looks at me. "How old is this guy?" she asks.

"I don't know for sure, but at least in his thirties," I answer her, but loud enough so they all hear me, and the guys look even angrier.

"I'm guessing that wasn't everything though, was it Owen?" Drew asks, and they all get quiet again.

"No, Clare was shocked by the kiss and left immediately. The following day Clare talked to Asher who played it off as an honest mistake while going through a terrible divorce, and apologized. Clare accepted the apology, and thought that was it. But then Asher invited her on a great experience at city hall, and she accepted. The day went fine, but when they arrived back at The Interpreter in his car he assaulted her, touching her inappropriately, and when she tried to get out he grabbed her ripping her shirt."

"And now he's going to die!" Lucas says, in a more menacing voice than even I've ever heard him use before.

I can see everyone around me getting more furious as I tell them more, but I continue anyway because they need to understand. "He spoke to her, then he let her go and she was scared. She tried to go to his boss the next day, but got fired because he had shown his boss the emails Clare had sent him when she first started about being excited to work with him and he could say that she had sexually harassed him."

"She got fired from her co-op?" Bianca queries, "but she kept going every day didn't she?"

"She was hurt and embarrassed, and didn't want to have to tell Ms. Oh about what happened. She tried to find another intern who had been harassed by this guy," and I realize now I am refusing to say his name because it makes me angry every time I do, "but she wasn't able to, or they wouldn't talk to her. So, she realized when she couldn't go anymore she'd have to hide at school to make it appear she was still attending, so she hid out in the storage room, but Dallas followed her in."

"Hold it! Who's Dallas?" Jay questions, stopping my explanation.

"He was the captain of the Toronto Ice Hounds hockey team with Owen, that transferred to Degrassi this year, and was billeted at my house," Drew tells him.

"Well, Clare was upset, so Dallas gave her a beer. She got kind of tipsy and told him what happened and he kissed her. She got mad, slapped him and left, only to run into Jake and Katie in the hall." It's now I notice Jake has entered the room and heard some of what I just said.

**(JAKE)**

I had a great time at graduation yesterday with Katie by my side, and Clare in the audience even though she's been sick recently. I drove her over to Bianca's after graduation so I could go party with Katie, Mo and Marisol, knowing Clare would be staying at Bianca's place last night, and be with Bianca, and probably Drew and Owen yesterday afternoon, and then the girls would be going over to Owen's early this morning to help set up for the grad BBQ his parent's threw for him and his friends. I got home this morning going straight to sleep, and was woken up early afternoon to my phone ringing.

"Hello?" I answer tiredly.

"Jake? It's Spinner. Emma went into work and found out Clare has been admitted at Toronto Western hospital," he tells me. I've only met this guy about three times, so it takes me a moment to register what he said.

"Is she alright? What happened? Why am I just hearing about this?" I say, freaking out while trying to remain calm, and find out what happened.

"All I know is she has been admitted and is very sick according to Emma. She has some friends there keeping her company, but your dad and step-mom aren't there and we felt she needed some family, so I will be headed over there with Jay and Lucas, and I already called Peter who said he'd leave right away. Emma is there but has to work. And I called you as soon as I got off the phone with Emma, after calling Peter as he has further to drive," he tells me, and now I'm wondering if Bianca is with Clare, and who else is with them. I've heard of these other guys Clare thinks of as older brothers as she's told me, but I've never met them.

"I was asleep when you called as I was out with some friends after my graduation yesterday and got home late so I didn't see our folks. But I'll get up and leave right away to get over there. Thanks for calling me Spinner."

"No problem, you're her family more than anyone, and we thought that's what she needed right now," he tells me before he hangs up.

I get up and shower quickly, because I need it after last night, and then get dressed. I head downstairs and grab a water bottle and apple from the fridge. I'm about to grab my keys off the table when I see an envelope sitting there with my name on it. So I sit, planning to quickly read the letter inside it before I leave. I open the letter, reading it and am shocked by what I read and I can't even speak for a moment.

"How the hell could they do this?" I scream into the empty house, getting angrier by the second, and then I picture Clare lying in a hospital bed, and am now furious. I put the letter in my pocket, as I have no idea how to deal with this news right now, and try to calm myself down before I go see my sister. I sit for about 5 minutes, and then get in my truck driving to the hospital fast, but without breaking any laws. My little sister needs me, now more than ever, so I can't get in trouble driving to get to her.

I arrive and go in to the receptionist at the desk. Spinner didn't tell me which room Clare was in and I forgot to ask, so I ask this receptionist.

"I need to know the room number of Clare Edwards please."

"Are you family?" she asks, getting on my nerves.

"She's my step-sister," I tell the receptionist in annoyance.

After a moment checking her computer she responds, telling me, "her room number is room 219." I look at her a moment as I don't know where I'm going. "Take the elevator there in the corner up to the second floor, and turn to your left toward the main hall. Go to the right down the main hall, and you'll see the numbers by each door."

"Thank you," I say as I rush toward the elevator, going up to the second floor, and follow the directions she gave me, finding Clare's room. I stop, taking a breath before I enter, to find Owen sitting on the hospital bed with Bianca and Drew sitting in a chair together by the bed. Spinner is sitting in a chair by the wall, with two other guys leaning against the wall beside him, but I don't see Clare anywhere.

I walk in to hear Owen telling the others, "…mad, slapped him and she left, only to run into Jake and Katie in the hall," and I know he's talking about Clare dealing with losing her co-op because of that lousy pervert of a boss she had and telling Dallas.

When he finishes speaking, and I see he's noticed me I speak up. "Where's Clare?" I question as she's the reason I'm here.

"She was taken for tests a little while ago," Spinner tells me. "Jake Martin, this is my best friend Jay Hogart, and this is Lucas Valieri. They both think of Clare as a little sister, just like Emma, Peter and I. Jay and Lucas, this is Jake Martin, Clare and Darcy's step-brother," he introduces us.

"Thank you all for being here for Clare," I tell them all as I shake both guys' hands and they nod. "I know she appreciates it." I turn to Owen now. "What happened?" I question my former classmates.

"The four of us were at the BBQ my parents threw at my house, and Clare and I had been dancing when she fainted. I took her up and laid her on my bed and got her water. She awoke, and I was worried so I asked her to tell me why she fainted, because she said it wasn't the sun. She told me about what's been happening in her life, both before she became friends with us, and since then. She got most of the way through the story, but didn't get to telling me what caused her to faint before she started having a seizure. I picked her up told my parents where I was headed, and yelled for Drew and Bianca to follow me, before rushing her here," Owen tells us.

I knew she was getting sicker, but had hoped that the medicine she had been getting would help her deal, and the seizures wouldn't start for a while yet.

"Thank you all for bringing her here so quickly. So have you been told anything yet?" I ask as I lean on the wall on the closer side of the bed Owen is sitting on.

"No, the doctor that took her for the tests said they couldn't tell us anything until they had some definitive answers," Bianca responds to my question.

"I guess Clare had been telling you about Asher Shostak before she started seizuring?" I comment to Owen.

"Yes, and so I was explaining to these guys that part of the story, but I'm sure you heard where I got to," Owen says.

"Ya I did. Do you want me to continue what I know about that situation?" I ask him.

"Sure," he tells me. "I'm sure you have more details about what happened next then what Clare was willing to tell me."

**Chapter 2 will be posted March 22**


	2. To Prove The Love of Friendship

**To Guest Reviewers of chapter 1 I responded to your reviews on my profile please check them out.**

**Thanks again to Halawen for her encouragement of and help with this story.**

**Ch.2 To Prove the Love of Friendship**

**(JAKE)**

"Clare told my girlfriend Katie and I what happened with both Asher and Dallas. We tried to convince her to talk to Ms. Oh, but she was afraid of what might happen after what Asher told his boss. She wanted to be able to prove what Asher did to her, and other interns she thought were harassed before her. Clare wrote on article about Dallas and Luke trashing the garden, and some of the first stringers got suspended from a few games, due to the article. Dallas, Luke and some of the team took their anger out at Clare's birthday party we had at Fiona's loft. Eli had been there, but Clare hadn't yet told him about Asher, and Eli was getting annoyed that Clare was keeping something from him, so he left before Clare could talk to him, or the hockey team showed up," and I see Owen's face adjust to what I just said. "Hockey team besides Owen I mean. Dallas made a comment about keeping Clare's secret, and Luke commented on the garden, which started a fight between Clare, myself, Katie and Dave, with Dallas and Luke, along with some of the hockey team members. It finally ended when the confetti canon was shot off and Fiona kicked Dallas out of the party. Oh and by the way, never get in a fight with Clare. I didn't realize but she sure can hold her own in a fight," I comment with a smile, and see Bianca and Owen smile too.

"Ya, we taught her how to stand up for herself, and how to fight when she was younger and being bullied. The fighting was just to protect herself really," recounts Lucas.

"I knew Dallas had problems with Clare, but I didn't realize how bad it was," Drew comments.

"And I knew some of the team had gotten suspended from a few games, which allowed me to play more, but I never found out why until Clare told me earlier," Owen comments. I guess the article was a good thing so he could play more. "So what happened with the perv?" he asks, and I'm guessing Clare didn't get to this part or didn't feel comfortable saying it.

"Ya, I'd like to hear this so I know how hard to kill this guy," Jay states in a menacing tone, and I can't help but smile again.

"Well, Clare couldn't find anything proving Asher was guilty, so she came up with the idea to plant evidence on his computer," and now I see shocked, slightly angry looks, waiting for me to continue. "She enlisted Katie's help to break into the office while everyone including Asher was at some awards banquet. Katie was gonna be the lookout, but they were stopped by one of the former interns Clare had talked to who told Clare not to ruin her future and they could go to the police together. So the three left together and went to the police station. The next day Katie went with Clare to tell Ms. Oh, who then called Helen. That was not a good few days at home after she found out."

"Let me guess, the police did nothing?" Jay questions, and I see Spinner glare up at him. "Sorry dude, nothing against you," Jay replies slightly sheepishly remembering Spinner is going through the police academy.

"So what evidence did Clare almost plant on this guy's computer?" Drew asks.

"Well the police investigated, but there wasn't enough evidence, so the case was dropped. Asher got to keep his job, but his reputation was hurt by the investigation and he can't have female interns anymore. Ms. Oh also said she'd no longer have co-op students going to the Interpreter. But Clare was still hurt nothing more got done. And, Clare had taken topless photos of herself t…"

"SHE WHAT!?" yell Jay, Spinner and Lucas all at once.

"I didn't know she had it in her," Bianca comments with a laugh, and I see Owen with a sly smile on his face.

"Believe me. I didn't know about them until she was convinced not to do it, and she destroyed them," I say to the guys that have been older brothers to her longer than I have, trying to calm them down quickly.

It is then, that a doctor rushes in. "Do any of you know where Clare Edwards' parents are or how to reach them, or are any of you immediate family above 18 years old?" he questions rapidly, and I see Emma quickly come in, probably having seen the doctor rushing in.

"Her sister lives and works in Africa, I'm her step-brother and yes I'm 18, and no one will be reaching her parents any time soon. What's happening doctor?" I answer, and I see everyone looking at me for my comments about Helen and my dad, but they don't say anything yet.

"Ok, I need your signature so that she can be rushed into surgery right away," he tells us, and I hear gasps from around the room. I stand and sign the forms quickly, and barely have a moment to look at what I'm given before the doctor takes the forms and leaves the room. Now I'm seriously scared for Clare, and worry about what happened during her tests this time. I look around the room, and see shocked and terrified faces of friends who have almost no idea what's going on.

"Jake, what's happening do you know what's wrong with Clare?" Emma asks with tears in her eyes. "This was the first any of us have been told of what's wrong."

"And what did you mean no one will be able to reach your folks any time soon? What's going on? I mean, I know Helen can be a bitch but still," questions Spinner, as he knew her mom better than anybody besides me.

I reach into my pocket remembering the letter from earlier, and pull it out. I handle it for a moment before I pass it to Spinner without saying anything. He looks down at the envelope with my name on the outside, and then looks back up at me before opening the letter inside. I let him read it silently, and see as his face go from confusion to awe to absolute rage within the moments it takes to read. But I decide to leave that for a moment.

"What's it say Spinner?" asks Owen, and I see worry on his face about what's going on. I've never seen him this worried about anyone before unless it had to do with his little brother Tristan, and even then it was rare. I wonder if he has feelings for my little sister.

"Actually, before I get into that, because I'm sure it's going to anger you all, I'll tell you what I know about Clare's condition first alright?" I ask rhetorically, as I'm going to do it anyway.

"Since about late April Clare was getting tired easily and began fainting once in a while. Eli wasn't paying attention, and Clare was still dealing with the issues of the Asher investigation. I took her to our family doctor, as her mom was too busy, and Clare didn't want to worry her. They weren't quite sure at this point what she had, and thought it may just have to do with the heat and stress. Then Cam died and she had to deal with not only losing a classmate, but trying to help Maya, and dealing with Eli's drug use and their final break up." It's now I see Owen is upset at the mention of his former teammate. "As she dealt with so many things, her health got put off and we didn't think too much more about it."

"But obviously there was more to it," Drew comments. "I mean she was our friend by this point and we never noticed her faint, or that anything was wrong."

"It wasn't until she was getting ready for prom at the end of May and Katie zipped up her dress that Katie noticed a small lump on Clare's spine right near the top of her neck, and another further down her spine. We didn't think much of it, and wanted to enjoy the night, so we got ready, and the four of us went and enjoyed prom."

"Four?" questions Jay.

"Ya, the three of us and Clare's date Cliff," I tell those who weren't at prom. "After everything Eli did, she wasn't going with him." It's now I see Owen slightly cringe. "We all enjoyed prom, but on our way home Clare had a nosebleed, so the following day Katie and I took her into the doctor again. They biopsied both lumps, and did tests of her blood, plus checked her heart, and eyes. A week later she got the call that she has rhabdomyosarcoma."

I hear Emma gasp, as she obviously knows what this is. "So what does that mean?" Owen asks, and I'm even more curious about what he feels for my sister. "Has she been doing treatment, or been told anything that can help?"

"Why didn't she tell us?" Bianca asks, and I look to see she looks upset but also hurt, and Drew still looks shocked.

"She didn't say anything because she didn't want pity from anyone, and really the only ones that know, are her, myself and Katie."

"We wouldn't have pitied her. We've seen her through some hard times, and I thought she knew she could always come to us," Lucas states in a tone that almost sounds hurt.

"I wouldn't have pitied her, she's the best friend I've ever had," Bianca comments, and then looks at Drew and then toward Owen. "And I know these guys wouldn't either. We would have supported her," she tells us all.

"She didn't really want anyone to know, and Katie and I promised not to say anything. And rhabdomyosarcoma is a type of cancer that attacks muscle that attaches to bone. It's found more in young children but can occur in teens. Apparently it began in her back, but there were no symptoms, until it had moved into her neck and towards her brain. That's why the fainting was occurring and why she started getting the nose bleeds. The doctor told us that seizures could begin happening, but the one she had at your place was the first Owen."

"So what's been happening? Has she started treatment? I don't remember seeing her name here before now," Emma says in a rush.

"Well it was a few days before exams when she found out, and you know Clare and her academics. So we discussed it with the doctor and worked it out so that she could start three day chemotherapy treatments every three weeks, so she had her first treatment just after exams finished. Her next round should be next week," I tell them all.

"I guess we need to find out what happened during these tests, and the surgery she had to know where to go from here. But just know that we will be here for you both from now on. You can come to us for anything," Spinner tells me pointing at himself and then the other older kids, before getting up and giving me a hug. I hug him back but find this slightly strange as I've only met him a few times before now, and then realize what he means. "Clare has been as much a little sister to me as my sister Kendra for many years now, and I will now consider you my younger brother," he states, but it's loud enough for everyone to hear, and they all give us a weird look.

"What…" Jay begins, but gets cut off when the door is opened and Clare is pushed in on a gurney again, and still looks out of it, and her eyes are closed. I see Owen move off the bed so the orderlies and Doctor Evans can move her back into the bed. The orderlies push the gurney out again but the doctor stays put. I'm sure he's finally going to tell us all what happened.

**(OWEN)**

As soon as the orderlies get Clare back on her bed and leave the room, Bianca stands, knowing what I want and helps me shift Clare so I can climb back on her bed and sit against the pillows with my legs outstretched and we both laid her down in my lap again. I see Jake look at me, and know he'll want to speak with me about how I feel about Clare, but first I want to talk to Emma and Spinner, and maybe the others about Clare's past.

"Hello Jake, it's good to see you here for Clare again," Doctor Evans says to Jake, and we all look over at the doctor. He must be the one Clare saw when she started chemo.

"Can you please tell us what happened Doctor Evans? The doctor that had me sign the forms for surgery wouldn't tell us anything," Jake tells him, and I know we all want to hear this as the room goes silent.

"When you brought Clare in earlier today saying she had fainted, but woke up and then a little while later had a seizure, which is a symptom of her illness," he says looking over toward myself, Bianca and Drew, "we put her in a medically induced coma so that the seizure would be stopped and it would have the least effect on her brain and give her body rest. We then took her in for tests to check her head due to the seizure. We did a CT scan to check her head, and biopsied the tumors in her back and neck again as those are what the lumps are," he tells us and I look down at the girl lying in my arms, and wonder how she could be so strong. "The medically induced coma is why she has been asleep the whole time she has been here. When we came to get her again it was because we had seen a mass in her CT scans and wanted a better look, so we took her for an MRI. While doing the MRI, we found that the mass was another tumor on her brain," at this several gasps are heard around the room knowing that the cancer has spread. "It needed to be removed as quickly as possible due to the location. That's why we needed a signature Jake, and were so rushed. We are sorry for scaring you all, but it needed to be done," Doctor Evans, I learned his name was, tells us.

"So what happens now doctor?" Lucas asks, a question I think we all are wondering, and we look at the doctor expectantly.

"As she just had major surgery on the back of her head we are keeping her in the coma for the time being," and it's now I notice some of Clare's hair missing and a bandage on her head. And even now she still looks beautiful and peaceful asleep. "We'd like to keep her overnight tonight and have her rest tomorrow, but will take her out of the coma in the morning, but we need to continue with her chemotherapy treatments this week to not only get rid of the tumors in her back and neck but get any cells that were around the tumor removed during the surgery," he tells us.

"Do you think there will be side effects of the surgery, seizures or tumors for her future?" I ask, as Clare's future is becoming more important to me.

"We won't know how the seizure affected her brain until she is woken up, and the surgery was difficult because of the location, but as we were able to get rid of the tumor on her brain, it will hopefully mean a prolonged life. The medically induced coma is to allow her body the rest, it needs to keep seizures from further affecting her brain, and to allow her body to heal from the surgery, and then the chemotherapy will hopefully kill off the cancer cells that are still in her body. It will be a long road to being in remission and cancer free, but I believe that as long as the seizure didn't affect her brain more than we believe, that she is strong and otherwise healthy, and I see she has lots of support to help her in her treatment and recovery," he tells us, and I think about her recovery, and know that I want to be around for her as much as I can.

"Thank you Doctor Evans," Jake comments for us all as they shake hands.

"If you have questions or concerns press the call button and a nurse will be in to help you, and I will be back to check in on her recovery in about 2 hours," Doctor Evans tells us before he leaves the room.

We all sit silent for a few minutes contemplating everything we know. I smile down at Clare asleep in my arms again, and think about her possible future, and wonder where we would all be without her. It's now I remember the letter Jake showed Spinner, and wonder what it could be about, when a tall blonde guy walks through the door. He looks familiar, and I see him walk straight toward the older kids.

"I got here as fast as I could," he says as he hugs Emma, and then shakes hands with Spinner, Jay, Lucas and finally Jake, "nice to see you again Jake, I wish it was under better circumstances."

"We're just glad you're here," Emma says as she kisses his cheek. I see a look in Spinner's eye, but can't tell what he's thinking. Turning with him, Emma speaks again, "Peter, this is Bianca, Drew and that is Owen sitting with Clare, everyone, this is Peter. He is another older brother to Clare. And as much as I'd like to stay I need to get back to work," Emma comments. She walks back to Spinner giving him a loving kiss as they hug before she leaves the room.

"Now I remember you. You worked at the Dot when I first started at Degrassi with my brother," Drew mentions, and now I know why he looks so familiar.

"Yep, Spinner and I both worked there, Emma too, for a day," he comments and the older guys all laugh, "and I own Above the Dot as well, but I've been away at school which is why I haven't been around for Clare much recently."

"From the sounds of it none of us have been around for Clare enough recently, as much of her life is different, and even most of her friends have changed," Lucas comments, "it looks like the only one Clare's been confiding in recently is Jake, and sometimes his girlfriend, but Jake's been telling us some of what's been going on, and we all need to definitely be paying more attention. Which reminds me," he says turning to Spinner, "what did you mean about Jake being like your younger brother from now on, dude?" he asks Spinner, "not that I have any problem with that," he says as he looks at Jake.

"Ya and what was with that letter?" Jay asks them both, "it's been a long time since I've seen you as angry as you did when you finished reading it," Jay comments.

"Letter?" Peter questions, and Spinner holds it up passing it back to Jake as it is addressed to him.

"Ya, after Spinner called me earlier to say Clare was in the hospital, I got up and grabbed some food, and was picking up my keys when I saw this letter on the kitchen table addressed to me," he pauses and takes a deep breath before opening it, and looking it over again before he begins to read. "Jake, you're 18 and you graduated from high school today, good for you. You're a man according to law, and now you can be the one you seem to think you are, with all the secrets you have with Clare and that girlfriend of yours. Helen and I will simply not tolerate this kind of relationship under our roof or the stigma it will bring us. We don't know who Clare is anymore and she trusts you more than Helen or I anyway. Did you two stop dating when we got married like you told us or are you a liar too? I never thought I'd ever be so disappointed or ashamed of you and I can't trust you, but you've made your choice and we will not stand by and watch what either of you or that Katie girl do. We've been offered an opportunity away from the cold of Toronto and we're taking it. We know Clare was lying about Asher and it was all her fault for getting involved with a married man so you three can deal with the consequences. Helen can't even look at her anymore and I don't want your relationship or her lies to come back and hurt my business."

Jake takes a pause before commenting, "I can't believe my own father could think so little of me that he could possibly think I'd be in an actual threesome relationship, and with my step-sister no less. I'm trying to take care of her and he thinks we're sleeping together? Believe me, Clare is my little sister now and I love her in that way, and want her to be happy. And how her mother could think she would lie about being sexually harassed is beyond me, but she always was a bitch."

I see Peter's mouth drop open at that, but Lucas whispers to him, "we'll explain later," before Jake looks down and appears to be continuing to read his letter, with quite a hurt voice.

"You'll find in the china cabinet in the living room a manila envelope. Inside is the deed to the house signed over to your name, and all the bills that go with it also in your name now. You're 18 and it's your problem. All we took were things out of our room, and things with meaning to Helen and I. You'll also find the papers Helen signed giving up her parental rights of Clare. As both you and Darcy are over 18 we didn't sign any for either of you. With those are the divorce papers for Helen and Randall and the custody papers Randall signed giving full custody to Helen at that time. So now Clare is your responsibility, you can figure out what to do. We want nothing to do with either of you again. Glen," Jake finishes and he looks like he may almost be in tears. I can't believe anyone's parents could ever do something like this to them. Think so little of them, believe they are liars, and treat them as if they are no good, and want nothing to do with them. And now I'm very glad I have my parent's love and support and I am more determined than ever to support Clare and now Jake too.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Lucas and Jay yell at the same time.

"That fucking bitch!" Drew screams, "Adam told me Helen was a bitch that she's a terrible mother, he even told me a couple of stories but how can you even call yourself a mother and abandon your child like that!" he says still angry but not screaming.

"I knew Clare's mom was a bitch, but either your dad's always been an ass and you're just now seeing it, or he learned this from the ice queen. Jeez!" Jay speaks up. I only saw Jake's dad a couple of times but he never seemed mean or vindictive at all. This probably had to do with Helen. I then notice Lucas looking slightly ashamed, and I think it has to do with Mia and Izzy, but he is nothing like Helen, Glen or even Randall.

"I don't know what to do?" Jake questions and then he looks over at me with Clare asleep in my lap. "I love my little sister, but I don't have the money to pay for chemo, or to look after the two of us. I want to go to school in the fall, and I know she wants a career in journalism someday which takes a University education, and that's after dealing with her health, and finishing high school and figuring out her custody cause she won't be 18 for almost another year," Jake laments, and we all look at him with sympathy, before more reactions are heard around the room.

"Seriously, like my parents put their lives before me too, but I've had my aunt and they didn't just leave me completely on my own, or think so little of me, but the drugs and prison got in the way," Bianca comments and I think about what my best friend has been through in her life too.

"Helen and Randall were never very supportive of Darcy, and pretty much forgot about Clare when Darcy was having issues but I never thought Helen would actually give up custody. I mean, she likes having control of everything in her life," Peter comments, and this reminds me I want to ask them about Clare's past.

"I'm so sorry Jake. I know we haven't really been friends, and I only became friends with Clare in the last few months, but the two of you don't deserve the way you've been treated. And we all know neither of you would do what they've accused you of," I tell him.

"Jake…" Spinner says before standing and putting a hand on his shoulder. "You'll get it figured out, and we'll all help you," he says motioning around the room, and we all nod. "As I'm in the police academy, I could go in and talk to someone about you getting emergency custody because Darcy's not around, and Randall knows about none of this and you are family. Then we'll have to look into who has custody now that Helen signed away hers. I'm not a law student, but I believe that Randall would have custody again, because he was never declared an unfit parent, but as he hasn't been in the picture since the divorce, and doesn't live here anymore, maybe we can talk to him about you getting guardianship for the time being. And I'll have to talk to Emma, but maybe we can get permanent guardianship of Clare when you leave for school," he tells Jake, and I can see we're all sitting in shock at not only everything that's going on, but the generosity of Spinner if he and Emma do take on guardianship, and maybe custody of Clare. After all, they are a young couple who may be taking on custody of a 17 year old girl.

But no one is more shocked than Jake. "I don't know what to say," Jake stammers, before hugging Spinner.

"I don't think she'll be waking up for a while, we should probably go look into getting you emergency custody now. I'm sure if something happens that someone will call you right away," Spinner tells him with an arm around his shoulders.

"My dad's a lawyer, maybe he can help you," Drew pipes up, and I think having Omar on Jake and Clare's side would hopefully be an advantage. Drew writes down the address and phone number for his dad and hands it to Spinner, "you should call him, tell him I'm sending you over and tell him what's going on, although you should get all the paperwork to show him first. I'm sure he'll find some way to help."

"We promise we'll call if anything changes Jake. This is important, for Clare and for you. We promise we'll stay with her as long as we can," Bianca tells him, before getting off of Drew's lap and hugging Jake.

Jake hugs her back and then leaves Spinner for a moment walking toward Clare and I. He looks down at her brushing a curl behind her ear and then kisses her head. He lifts his head slightly and looks at me before whispering, "I know you like her, and she deserves happiness in her life. Protect and be good to her, I'll be back later and we can talk," and then he walks away and leaves the room with Spinner, and I am stunned. I do like her, I think I even love her, and I have Jake's permission, but I don't even know how Clare feels.

We all sit in silence for a bit after Jake and Spinner leave. I'm thinking about what Jake said, and think now is a good time to talk to Peter, Jay and Lucas. "Guys," I say before pausing and they all turn to me from their own thoughts. "I hope you don't mind me asking, but before today I didn't even know Clare had a sister, and you've all alluded to a hard past, and I'm just wondering how you all became older siblings to Clare. I mean, what was it that made you all so close?" I ask and I see Bianca and Drew look at the older guys too. Jay is now sitting in the chair Spinner was in, and Lucas has moved the chair Jake was in closer to Jay's. Peter is leaning on the wall between the two chairs, and all three look at each other before any of them answer.

"Well, let me start by saying none of us have clean or shiny reputations," Jay remarks. "I first saw Darcy when she was in grade 9 and had been paid to give a guy a kiss, who she didn't realize had a bad past. Later that year Degrassi had a school shooting. This kid she kissed was killed, Jimmy Brooks was left paralyzed, Emma was traumatized having been held at gun point, and her boyfriend at the time was the one who got a hold of the gun and it accidentally went off. He left town for 2 years, and Spinner and I were expelled, although he was accepted back, but lost a year," he tells us. "Emma had babysat Clare a few times, and Darcy became friends with Emma and her best friend, my fiancé Manny. I didn't see or really meet Darcy again until she was dating Spinner the following school year. I met Clare a couple times when she hung out with Spinner and Darcy, so she was about 12. I was an ass toward Darcy, so we didn't have a good relationship which was hard on Spinner. He tried becoming a Christian for her, but she dumped him when she learned he lied about being a virgin, and then asked him to take her back only to learn he cheated on her with a former girlfriend," and all I can think is these guys have quite the past, but I still don't understand their relationship to Clare.

**Chapter 3 will be posted next Saturday Mar 29.**


	3. The Past Affects The Present

**Ch. 3 The Past Affects The Present**

**(OWEN)**

"Darcy went to work at camp that summer, and when she came back she was more open and accepting, and she and Spinner got back together again. About this time Emma's former boyfriend Sean, a good friend of mine came back to town, but Emma was dating Peter by then," Jay tells us, and then Peter continues the story.

"My mom was the principal of Degrassi before Emma's step-dad Mr. Simpson, and my dad was a bad dad so I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted, and I felt that way for many years. I hadn't been a great guy to Manny, so when Emma and I began dating it was in secret. But when I learned she had anorexia, I told Manny and we and her parents had an intervention. When Sean came back, he got me interested in cars and street racing, but Emma soon wanted a break from me and I knew it was because of Sean, so I planted drugs in his locker and he was expelled. He challenged me to a street race and it was fun, until Sean hit a guy out for a night time jog, and then on advice from Jay bolted. He was arrested for a hit-and-run," Peter enlightens us, and we all look at Jay.

"I didn't want my friend to go to prison, especially after the drugs found in his locker, so I was trying to help. But Emma suggested that Sean turn himself in, which he decided to do. Emma then found out Peter was the one who planted the drugs, and dumped Peter for good," Jay remarks.

I look toward Lucas, who comments when he sees me looking, "Hey I was still attending Lakehurst at this point, and only knew Jay because we hung out at the ravine. I didn't meet Clare or the others until the second half of the year."

"So Darcy and Spinner were still dating, but I started hanging out with Manny and Darcy more. They were both on power squad, and as I was known for my skills with a camera," he says using air quotes, and a smirk, "I was asked to do some photos for them. Darcy was getting more rebellious, and her parents weren't paying attention, so she asked me to take racy photos of her, and I realized we could both make money off of it, so I introduced her to a guy, who would send money to see the photos, and she posted them to her MyRoom page. She was always clothed, and still wore her purity ring, but they were pretty skimpy. But me trying to have the best of both worlds, also showed them to Spinner, and he dumped her for good. I found out later after we started dating that this guy was actually a predator and came to her house, and Clare had to call the cops," Peter tells us and I'm not sure what to say, but I'm sure there's more to this story.

"SHE WHAT?!" yells out Jay, and this shocks those of us who are hearing this for the first time. "I knew about the photos, but I didn't know about the predator," he replies looking at Peter.

"Ya, not too many people knew about that. The girls tried to keep that to themselves, but once she and I were dating it came up," Peter remarks. "Darcy and I started dating in secret, as neither of our parents wanted us together, when Clare was 13. When my parents found out they talked about sending me away to boarding school, but we continued hiding it. We'd hang out with Clare off and on when we were doing something fun, and I know Spinner and Jay still spent time with her a bit," and I see Jay nod.

"It was over the Christmas break that year that Lakehurst high school burned down, and so all Lakehurst students had to transfer to Degrassi, which did not make for happy people," Lucas comments. "Unfortunately there had been a stabbing during the fall semester at a birthday party a couple of Lakehurst guys crashed, and Jay and Spinner threw them out. But they got angry, and one of them stabbed a guy outside and he died in his former girlfriend's arms," and I now see Bianca is almost in tears. She always did tear up when it came to the death of anyone, even with the tough girl attitude. "The guy that was stabbed was dating Mia at the time," and I am shocked, because I remember parts of this story.

"I know you said the name earlier Lucas, but who is Mia?" Drew questions.

"Mia was a former girlfriend of mine, and is the mother of our 6 year old daughter Izzy, but now works as a model in Paris, so I don't see them often. Mia had transferred to Degrassi in September of the year Lakehurst burned down, so she knew Degrassi kids already. So, not the kid that stabbed her boyfriend, but the one that was with him, was my best friend at the time, Johnny DiMarco," Lucas gets out, before being interrupted.

"Johnny?" questions Drew.

"Ya, you know him?" Lucas asks.

"I dated his ex-girlfriend Alli after he graduated," and then looks at Bianca, "but it didn't work out. I'm much happier now."

"Right, backwoods Bhandari. She came to the ravine a few times to meet Johnny. And once or twice with Clare in tow. I didn't realize at the time, or I would have protected Clare from that stuff," Lucas comments, and I wonder how much more there is about Clare I don't know.

"So anyway, the first weekend after school started in January, a bunch of us went up to the mountains to go skiing," Peter continues. "This included Lucas' sister Jane, Manny, myself and Darcy, who had to sneak away from a family trip, although Clare knew where she was just in case. We stayed for a party that evening, and Darcy and I got in a fight. Manny had already left, and we didn't know Jane. Darcy got drinking, and her drink was roofied. The next morning, we woke up in bed together. She was naked, and thought we slept together, but I wasn't naked, and thought she may have been raped. She got mad and stormed out, and headed home on the morning bus. It wasn't until a few days later, that we all learned there had been a roofie rapist up at the lodge that weekend, and the memories started coming back to Darcy."

"So where were you, at this point Jay?" Bianca asks.

"I was trying to help Spinner, deal with his diagnosis of testicular cancer, and although I wasn't allowed on school property, help him deal with his anger issues, which included getting in fights with Lucas, about JT, the kid that was stabbed, and that Spinner had started dating Jane. Plus it wasn't long after that I started dating Manny. That started as a way to annoy her parents and get her more freedom, and escalated into us getting fake engaged, and then real engaged, and then splitting up about three times, for different reasons, and then finally getting back together and engaged again, on a road trip to LA which included Mia and Peter, who were dating by then. But that wasn't until the following Christmas break."

"Darcy had Manny and Emma to help her deal, and I tried to be there for her also, but she had lost her virginity to rape, and then learned she had Chlamydia. She tried to commit suicide in the girls showers, and then took Johnny up to the roof and I saw them making out and was jealous, and got mad at her. She later went up to the roof thinking about jumping, before Manny stopped her, but then accused Mr. Simpson of sexual assault," and I am just shocked at this point. How both these girls could be put through such drama and hurt in their young lives. "Emma had severed ties with Darcy due to her false accusations, but still tried to be around for Clare when she could. Her family found out about what happened after her first suicide attempt when she ended up in the hospital, and her parents were already beginning to have marriage issues, but attempted to be there for Darcy, but really didn't deal with it well. More often they would get mad at her for her behaviour, but she was just trying to deal with what happened, and acting out was the result. Unfortunately, they didn't want Clare to know what was going on, so she was left on her own quite a bit. That is how we all got more involved and became like older siblings to her," Peter tells us.

"What do you mean? Her parents left her to fend for herself?" I question, worried what she could have been put through at 13.

"Well, they still provided for her, and she went to school, but they were so focused on Darcy that most of her time ended up being spent with us. I know Spinner and I took her to the Dot and the Break Room and taught her how to play pool and poker," Jay starts, and then Peter interrupts.

"And I took her skating while the rinks were still open, and that summer I took her to the pool down the street."

"I know she had a couple of sleepovers with Jane, Manny and Emma," Lucas comments, "plus we took her to the movies with us sometimes. Always appropriate. And I took her to the park to play soccer, and she asked me to take her to the library a few times. It was through spending time with Clare, that I realized what I was missing with Izzy."

"So what happened to make Darcy actually leave?" Drew questions.

"Well, she was having so much trouble with her folks, that over the break they took her to an outdoor camp of sorts, although you could probably call it a brat camp. She was furious, but I signed up on my own to be with her. We both ended up learning a lot, and technically we got closer, but her parents still didn't get it, and weren't happy we were still together. The end of that year Spinner and Jimmy, who had to repeat a year, plus Emma and Manny's class all graduated, and my mom decided we were moving to Regina to live with my sick grandmother, but I was able to get myself emancipated and stay here and be with Darcy. She and her parents got along somewhat better and we had a whole summer together. But what I didn't know was they had been pressuring her all summer to go do mission work, and she told me the first day of school that September, the year Clare started grade 9, that she was leaving for Kenya the next day, but would only be gone a semester. But she never came home, and only emails about twice a year to Clare," Peter laments, and I feel bad that he did so much for Darcy, and she ended up leaving him.

"Over that summer, we took Clare with us, when the group of us would hang out. This was before Spinner and Emma got together, but I remember taking her up to look out point, and the group of us just talked. She missed her sister being around as much cause they had been quite close, plus she was really into astronomy, and I had promised her I'd take her to see the stars. I also know that after Spinner learned about Darcy's rape, when he was done fighting cancer, he really took her under his wing, as he had been around the longest, between Darcy and then Jane, and got her put on birth control that year, cause as he told me, 'I may not be able to prevent her from being raped, but at least I can stop her from getting pregnant'." Jay tells us, and this makes me realize how close they all really are. I mean how many guys would take their ex-girlfriend's little sister and get her on birth control.

"Well I'm certainly glad she had you guys," I tell them, smiling.

"I know I usually liked hanging out with her. I was the only one without a younger sister, except Emma but she had a younger brother, so Clare became that for me. And I learned a lot from her. She always has been quite smart," Jay mentions and I laugh a little.

"We all did," Lucas comments. "Hey Peter, I've meant to ask, what happened between you and Mia? I know she left for Paris, but she never said why besides the modelling."

"She found out I had been talking to Darcy about visiting Kenya, and then when I got hooked on ecstasy, that ended it for good."

"You were hooked on ex?" Bianca calls and I see all our mouths have dropped.

"Yep, I was in a bad place, and did something stupid, and just about ruined my life. I was smart enough to keep it and myself away from Clare at that point though."

The room goes silent when none of us are sure how to respond to this, but then the door opens so we don't have to. I see Emma walk in followed by Doctor Evans.

"Hey guys, everyone getting along?" Emma questions with a smile.

"Yep, getting to know each other a little better," Drew comments. He's certainly right about that.

Doctor Evans walks toward the bed I've been sitting on most of the day now. "Can you please sit her up a little so I can check her vitals?" he requests, and I sit up a bit further, and then I'm able to lift Clare's upper body up closer to me, so she is sitting up and leaning her back against my chest. "Thank you…?"

"Owen," I tell him, as I figure that's what he's searching for.

"It's nice to meet you Owen," he says, before shaking my hand. "And I'm glad Clare still has so many friends with her," he says looking around the room with a smile for us all.

"This is Bianca and Drew, and that is Jay, Peter and Lucas," Emma tells him, and he shakes their hands, before he turns back toward Clare, and starts taking her vitals and checking her eyes. Then he moves her head so he can check where they did surgery, as well as the tumor on her neck, before making notes in her chart.

"Well she appears to be handling everything well, but we won't know the extent of her recovery until she actually wakes up. So I am going to begin reducing the meds keeping her in the medically induced coma now, but it will still be a number of hours for them to wear off enough for her to begin to come out of the coma," Doctor Evans tells us before he begins playing with the medicines hanging on the pole next to the bed.

"How long do you think it will take her to wake up doctor?" I ask, as I would like to be here when she wakes up.

"It's different for every person, and as I said it will still be several hours, but I believe it will be sometime tomorrow morning for Clare," he remarks as he finishes with her meds. He walks away from the pole and appears as if he is about to leave before turning around to face us again. "It is almost time for visiting hours to be over. Many of you have been here for hours. I think you should all go home and get some rest. She will most likely not be waking up until tomorrow. But I will give permission for one or two of you to remain with her overnight. You can make that decision, and Emma, can you let me know what you all decide please?" he voices and she nods, before he leaves the room.

"I know Jake will want to stay the night with his sister," Drew points out, "and Bianca and I both have to get home for curfews tonight, and we got to stay out later last night after graduation." I see the others looking at him, "Ya, I know but until I'm out on my own my mom is quite strict when it comes to curfews and such," he gripes, but if the others had met Audra they'd know what he means.

"Well I'm still on duty until visiting hours are over in twenty minutes, and then I'd like to wait until Spinner gets back to find out what's going on as he mentioned needing to speak to a lawyer right away before he left. So I can stay until he and Jake get back. Peter I'm sure you're tired after all the driving?" Emma questions turning to the blonde boy.

"Yes, I am pretty weary. I would like to stay, but I think if she's not going to be awake until tomorrow then I'll head out and come back in the morning. Jay would it be a problem if I crashed at your place? My mom's still living in Regina, and I stopped renting my apartment when I left for school," Peter questions.

Jay shrugs, "sure no problem Peter, you can have the pull out couch if that's good with you," he says and then stands up. "It was nice meeting you guys, and call me if anything changes, please," he says, and we nod, before he walks over to shake Drew's hand, he hugs Bianca, and then comes to shake my hand, before kissing Clare's cheek. "You can follow me back," he tells Peter, and then shakes hands with Lucas and hugs Emma, kissing her cheek as well. Peter does the same with us all, and then they walk out.

"I actually have to work tonight, so I need to get home and shower before I head in," Lucas comments and then stands. "It was good to see you guys and again and nice meeting you Drew. I'm sure we'll be seeing more of each other as we all work on helping Clare recover," he says and then comes over kissing her head. He shakes my hand and then Drew's. Bianca stands so she can hug him, and he kisses her cheek. He walks over to Emma and they hug, before he heads out.

"Guess we should go," Bianca comments, still standing and pulls Drew up with her. He stands and comes over shaking my hand, and then putting a hand down rubs Clare's back in small circles a moment. Bianca and I hug as well as we can in the position I'm in and I kiss her cheek. Bianca leans down kissing Clare's cheek and when her head lifts I see tears forming in her eyes again. I grab her hand and just hold it a moment before I let go. Hopefully showing her some comfort. They both walk over giving Emma hugs at the same time, "please tell Jake I'm sorry we weren't able to wait for him to get back like we promised, but we'll be back first thing tomorrow morning," Bianca says as she steps away from Emma.

"Of course, I'll be here, and I know he'll understand," Emma tells her with a smile, putting her hand on Bianca's arm. Bianca nods and then the couple walks out, and I'm left with just Emma and an asleep Clare.

"I'd like to stay if it's not a problem," I comment to Emma once everyone is gone and she looks at me. "I know Jake wanted to talk to me, and I don't really want to leave her. She's had so much to deal with in her life, and I was the last person she saw when she went into the seizure this morning," I tell Emma, and then I realize my arms are tightening around Clare slightly as I don't want to lose her at all. I loosen them slightly but still keep them around her.

"It's ok Owen, its fine with me. I'll go tell Doctor Evans, that you and Jake will be staying with her tonight, and that I'll be waiting here once my shift finishes until Spinner and Jake get back. Besides, I'm sure when Clare wakes up she'll be happy to see a familiar face," she says and we both smile. "I'll be back in a few minutes," she tells me before leaving me alone with Clare.

"I don't understand it. How could one person be put through so much?" I question out loud, and I'm left with the silence of the still room as my only response. I look down and although it's slightly awkward I kiss Clare's head. I know I have feelings for her. I knew I liked her even before today, but when she fainted in my arms in the backyard I was scared to lose her. And then she told me about what she'd been through in the last few years, and I was shocked and felt almost appalled at what she has been through I never even knew. I thought her life was so perfect, and yet that was just the start of my huge gain of knowledge on Clare today, and now I don't think I could live without her in my life.

Emma walks back in the room and I look up, as while I was thinking my head was still down towards Clare. I see she is carrying a tray of food, I'm guessing is from the cafeteria. She sets it on the rollaway table before she sits down and begins speaking. "I told Doctor Evans that you and Jake would be staying with her tonight, and as my shift would have been done in 15 minutes anyway, he said I could stay in here until it's over unless there's an emergency. He also said that he'd have a bed sent up for Jake, as I assume you'll be staying where you are for the night?" she questions, and I nod. "I was there when he told the reception to let Spinner and Jake in even if it's after visiting hours. My friend Gaea is a receptionist here, so she knows Spinner," she tells me. "I brought you some food, as I don't think I've seen you leave this room yet today. You need to keep up your strength if you're going to be Clare's," she comments and I know my cheeks are getting red.

"Thanks Emma," I comment with a smile, and then shifting Clare slightly I move the table toward my side so I can reach the food.

I begin eating, and we sit in silence for a few minutes. "Emma," I speak up, and she turns toward me, "I've learned a lot today about Clare's past especially, but the pasts of many of you guys today, but one thing I didn't find out was how you and Spinner got together and got married," I tell her.

"Um, that's interesting actually. When I started at Degrassi it was a grade 7-12 school. I was in grade 7 and Spinner was in grade 8. He was a bit of a bully to myself and some of my friends, but he still agreed to be my subject that year for a science project. Besides that we didn't really have the same circles of friends. I was actually friends with his sister Kendra, and didn't really get to know Spinner well until years later. The following year when I was in grade 8, I began babysitting Clare who was about 7. I continued babysitting her until she was 12, but we remained friends. Spinner dated Darcy, and then Jane. And spent time with Clare and then we all started spending more time with her when Darcy was really dealing with her rape. I tried to help Darcy too, while the guys spent more time with Clare, but sometimes she just needed girl time," I smile at that. Girls definitely need each other, even more than guys.

"So I came home part way through my 2nd semester of 1st year at University, and Spinner and I got talking, as he worked and managed The Dot still. I asked him how he felt when all his friends went away to school and he wasn't able to. It was hard on him to have been held back, but he worked hard to do well after that and graduated. I went back to school and we kept in contact with FaceRange. I came home from school, without my boyfriend of that year, and found Spinner at The Dot and they were looking for waitresses. Spinner hired me, but I wasn't supposed to use the sandwich maker. He left for the graduation party for Jane's class and he overheard a conversation about how she had cheated on him. He broke up with her, and being upset she left with some friends to spend the summer in New York City. He came back to The Dot, but by then Jay had convinced me to make him a Spinwich and the sandwich maker overheated, and it caused a fire, and then blew up the Dot due to the gas."

"I remember that. I had just finished grade 9, and remember being without The Dot for much of the summer that year, but I didn't know what happened," I comment remembering seeing The Dot windows all blown out before it started being rebuilt.

"Ya, Spinner was super upset, and I felt so guilty about what happened, and he was already upset about Jane. I found him at school and we played HORSE and I got him smiling, and then Jay, Manny and I found him sitting at home in his underwear still upset. We took him to the Falls View Casino, and played poker. What we didn't realize until the next morning was that we got super drunk and got married," and now I have to laugh. She seems quite smart, and still got drunk and got married.

"Well obviously you stayed married," I comment pointing toward her wedding ring.

"We did, but that was after attempting to get it annulled at the casino, and then talking to Jay's uncle the divorce lawyer twice. But eventually we realized we were happiest when we were together, so we pawned the ring Spinner had paid for with my black jack winnings and with Peter's planning help, Jay married us out on the beach in front of friends and family. Spinner even came to my house and proposed it in front of my mom, step-dad and Manny. Clare attended and we all had a really good time, but then I began attending TU for nursing, and Spinner attempted to get into the police academy again once we were settled," she tells me.

"Again…?" I question, and before Emma can answer the door opens and in walk Jake and Spinner. We look over at them, but Emma decides to answer me anyway.

"Ya he had attempted once before, but didn't have what he needed. Especially with his past at that point. But the second time he got in and has been doing well ever since."

I nod in response, and then look over at the guys. Both look almost in a state of shock but have a fire in their eyes, and I worry what more could have happened. "What happened? Was Omar able to help you?" I question, hoping Clare won't be left in limbo.

"We talked to him, and he was furious at what my dad and Helen did, but Spinner was right. Because Randall was never declared unfit, he has sole custody of Clare," Jake tells us before sitting down in his previous seat as Spinner sits down in the other chair. I see Emma's mouth drop in shock. I guess they didn't tell her the details of where they were going before they left.

"Ya, it's a long story, but suffice it to say Helen gave up custody of Clare, and she and Glen put the house and bills in Jake's name, and left town wanting nothing more to do with them," Spinner tells his wife, and I can see the appalled look in her eyes, at hearing this. She looks over at Clare with a saddened expression.

"Omar spoke to a judge, and was able to get me emergency custody for this week, as Randall isn't around and Clare's in the hospital still quite sick, as that's what's in her best interest at the moment," he comments, still with a slight lightness to his voice, and looks at Clare with a smile. But then he turns away and his face gets harder and I see the fire burn in his eyes. "Omar was then good enough to call Randall, as I've never met him to see what he wanted to do about custody, and he…" he pauses and takes a breath, and I see his hands become fists. "He told Omar to take care of **it**, **it's** not his problem," Jake angrily barks out, and smacks his fist against the arms of the leather chair. "He referred to my little sister, HIS DAUGHTER! AS IT!," Jake screams, and I see tears in his eyes. I'm in absolute shock. I see Emma with tears in her eyes, and Spinner reaches out for her. She sits in his lap and he holds her while she cries, but I still see the anger he has, and I can totally understand why.

I have no idea how to respond, but I look down at Clare, and promise myself that no matter what I'll protect her. I have no idea how Jake must be feeling at the moment. To think that any of these people could have ever become parents is unthinkable, although I suppose that without them Clare, Jake or even Darcy wouldn't exist.

We all sit in silence for at least five minutes. The only sounds are Emma's crying, and the sounds of Clare's machines. Jake hits the chair a few more times during that silence though.

As the time ticks by, Emma's crying slows enough that she can speak. "So what are you going to do now?" she asks, turning to Jake, and I'm wondering the same.


	4. Finding My Future

**To Guest Reviewers please check my profile page as I have responded to reviews for the previous two chapters.**

**Ch. 4 Finding My Future**

**(OWEN)**

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that," Spinner says. "Randall doesn't care, and is too focussed on his young wife and son to worry about Clare. Even when Omar told him she was so sick. Jake has emergency custody all this week, and Omar was going to see about Jake getting permanent custody. But he's only 18, and I know we are young, but I was wondering how you would feel about taking custody of Clare in September so Jake can go away to school?" Spinner asks, and tries to gage Emma's reaction.

"Well, I do love Clare, but wait," Emma says, and looks up at Jake again, "Jake how do you feel about everything?" she asks.

"To be honest, I've barely processed all of this. I hate my father, and now I despise Clare's parents for how they have absolutely no feeling for her, or her well-being. Right now I really miss my mom," he says, "she would be rolling over in her grave to know that my father could do this to me, or to Clare who we've known since she was about 6," he pauses a moment and appears to be thinking about Spinner and Emma's offer, "thank you both for such a kind gesture, and I appreciate it wholeheartedly, but she's my little sister, and I think it's my responsibility to take care of her now," Jake finishes, but I can see the apprehension in his eyes even as he says it.

"I hope I'm not over-stepping here, but Jake, maybe it might be good to think about all your options, including the one Spinner and Emma made before you make a final decision. I mean you have all week, I think, so why don't you sleep on it, and talk to Omar, and everyone tomorrow or Tuesday, and see what feels right. Today's been a long day, and Clare's supposed to be awake tomorrow, and I'm sure she'd like to have an opinion in this decision affecting her life," I remind Jake.

"Thanks Owen," he says with a smile at me, before turning toward Spinner and Emma again, "Would it be alright with you both if I took some time to think about this a bit?"

"Of course Jake, we just want to give you an option when it comes to the future," Spinner tells him, as Emma takes Jake's hand in hers. The door is then pushed open and two orderlies push in a role away cot, which will be for Jake. Once its set up they both leave again.

"Well, that's the cot Doctor Evan's sent up for you Jake. And I hope you don't mind but I gave Owen permission to stay tonight when he asked me, so we're going to head home. I have work again tomorrow morning, so I'll need some rest, but please don't hesitate to call if Clare or either of you need us or something changes," Emma remarks with a smile. She then gets up, Jake stands also, and she gives him a hug and kisses his cheek. "Remember you're both family to us now," she reminds him before she lets go and approaches Clare and I. I see Jake and Spinner shake hands. Emma walks right up to me, and we hug as best we can, and we kiss each other on the cheek, and then she pushes some of Clare's hair out of her face that's fallen down and kisses her cheek as well. "You'll always be my little sister," she whispers in Clare's ear, but it was still loud enough for me to hear.

Emma then takes a few steps back, and Spinner approaches. We shake hands, and he tells me, "you're family now too. No matter what happens between you and Clare, but I can see how much you care about her, and I'm guessing love her. If you need anything let us know. Same goes for Bianca and Drew," he tells me, and I'm shocked. Many of us have only known each other less than a day, but we've become that close that quickly. He then let's go and leans down kissing Clare's cheek, before he steps back, and puts his arm around Emma.

"Thank you both," I call once I'm able to speak past the shock, and they smile at us all before they leave for the night. Jake sits back down in his chair, and we're both silent for what feels like an hour, but is probably only a few minutes.

"Do you know what you might do?" I question him after a while, mostly just to break the silence we've been in.

"She's my little sister Owen, I love her, and technically I'm the only family she has left and after what her parents and even my dad did abandoning her, I feel it's my responsibility to take on custody and be the adult in the situation now," he says in a sort of sad tone.

"But you have options remember. You both have friends, and now you both have a bunch of older siblings that you can turn to, and none of them are going to be like either of your parents and abandon you now. You saw how they all felt when they heard the letter, and she was rushed into surgery. Plus I doubt since you've talked to Mr. Torres, that he or Audra will abandon you either."

"Ya, Omar and Audra were furious when Spinner and I showed them the letter from my dad, and both said we may not be able to live with them, but we could always count on them for anything else," he tells me, and I know they are strict parents but they'd never abandon children when they need someone. "But she's my sister so I feel I need to provide for her now, especially while she's sick, I can't abandon her, … but I would like to go to school one day," he comments the last part after a moment's pause, as sort of an afterthought, and it gets me thinking.

"When does Clare turn 18?" I question because although we've become friends in the last number of months, this was something I never asked.

"February 25th, why?"

"Well, what if you took permanent and full custody of Clare, but you were to give Spinner and Emma guardianship so you could go away to school," I suggest to him. "You'd still have custody, and be with her as she recovers over the summer, but then Spinner and Emma would have guardianship while you're at school. You getting an education could do more good for yourself and Clare for the future, then if you didn't. It would give you a chance to live for yourself and do what you want in school to get a better job so you can provide for you both later. Plus I'm sure Spinner and Emma would have no problem keeping guardianship past Clare's 18th birthday while you're still in school," I tell him, and I hope he considers all of this for both he and Clare.

"Ya, I know getting an education is important, but I don't know how to do that. I mean, between us we probably have the money for one of us to go to school, but not both. And I know it's always been her dream to go to University and become a journalist, even after everything that happened with Asher, she never let it crush her dream for it. But we probably won't for either of us once Clare finishes chemo and actually starts recovering. That is if she does," he says and I can hear the sadness in his voice.

"Jake, don't talk like that. You've seen her, she's strong and resilient. How do you think she's gotten through so much in her life already, but she needs you now. Don't give up on her," I tell him with determination, and hold Clare just a little tighter. I pause and think for a moment. "Well, Clare's still a student, and if you go to school you will be too, so maybe you'd have some benefits that could help cover some of the expenses here," I mention pausing again as I continue thinking up ideas to try and help them both. "And I know your dad put the house and bills in your name, and you'd certainly have to talk to Clare, but maybe if you were to sell it, then you'd have the money to put you both through school, so you could afford providing for you both," I suggest, as it seems the only thing big enough that could get them the money they would need.

"I don't know Owen, it seems like a good idea, but then where would we go? Omar and Audra said they'd help us with anything but we couldn't live there, and I don't have family here, and really now neither does Clare."

"Well if Spinner and Emma had guardianship of Clare then she'd be living with them and if you're in school I'm sure you'd be living on campus. You could take a part-time job when not in classes, and try to put aside money for the future," I respond, but it comes out sort of like a question, because I'm not Jake, so I'm just trying to give ideas and have no idea what he might think of them.

"I'll think on it Owen, and obviously talk to Clare about it all once she's awake and alert, but thanks, you've been a big help. Now I have to figure out how I'm going to explain to my little sister, that in terms of family, we really just have each other now. But first, since I'm already pretty sure you like her, why don't you tell me what you think of Clare?" he asks, and I notice he's perked up a bit now. At least he's got a smirk now instead of sad eyes, but I'm not quite sure what to tell him.

"Uh," I pause unsure of what to say.

"Come on, it's not like I can do much anyway. You're bigger than me so I can't beat you up, and at the moment my sister is asleep in your lap, so I definitely wouldn't do anything to you now, no matter what you say, but just remember that Lucas, Jay, Spinner and Peter are just as much big brothers to Clare as me, so if I don't like what you say or do, I can always talk to them," he tells me, but I know he's just being a protective older brother, especially with what Clare's going through right now.

"Well, Clare's a great friend, and I've found myself liking her more and more as we've gotten closer as friends. But today when she fainted in my arms, I was scared of what was happening, and what could be happening to her. Then she told me about Eli and Asher and I was shocked, couldn't believe what she had been through, and wished I would have known and been able to protect her. That she hadn't had to go through that pain," I tell him, and notice he's smiling at me. "I was waiting until she finished telling me what all was going on, because I was going to tell her I liked her and ask her if she'd like to go out with me, and that's when she began to seizure and I rushed her here with Bianca and Drew. When she was away for the tests the first time, I realized I didn't know what I'd do without her in my life, even if it was just as a friend. Although after sitting here most of the day with her in my lap, and hearing what she's been through in the past, and with all of you, and how sick she is, and then what her parents did to her, I know I love her man, I'm in love with her, and I don't want to lose her. We may have only been friends for a few months, but she's changed my outlook and my life. I can't lose her now," I tell him, and I can feel tears coming, but I swallow them back in. "But I don't even know how she feels about me," I comment, feeling slightly dejected, but I know I really shouldn't because it's taken me this long and a lot of stories today to make me realize my true feelings, and that whole time Clare's been either in a medically induced coma lying in my lap, or having surgery on her head, so it's not like she's had the chance to tell me how she feels at all, and it's not until Jake clears his throat I realize I've been ranting in my own head while looking down at Clare lying there peacefully.

"You just told me not to give up hope, so if you mean what you say then you better not give up hope on my sister either. Haven't you realized after everything you've learned today how strong she really is?" he asks and I nod. "Just keep being the strength she needs right now, cause I'm sure when she wakes up and learns what our parents did, she'll be shattered and will need a shoulder to cry on, and I'm betting it'll be yours knowing my sister," he comments, and I smile when he says this.

"You really think?" I question, and then picture holding Clare while she's not asleep, not that I don't like our positions right now.

"Ya, I don't think you have much to worry about Owen," he tells me, and I know my smile just about doubles in size.

"Thanks, I just really wish I knew how she felt," I tell her step-brother, "but of course, I know that won't be the first thing we'll need to talk to her about when she does wake up," I remember out loud, and wonder how in the world Jake, or any of us really will be able to tell her what's happened.

"It'll come Owen, but you can't do anything about it until she's awake anyway, and there will be a lot to talk about very soon, so don't worry about it until you have to, but I know you're anxious to know," he reminds me and I nod my head as I lift Clare up a little so I can sit a little more comfortably. "So I'm guessing as there was only one bed set up, that you're sleeping there for the night?" he asks pointing to my current position on the hospital bed.

"I'd like to if it's not a problem," I remark.

"I have no problem with it, and I don't think Clare would either if she was awake to tell us. Although I did just realize that neither of us have stuff for sleeping in," he comments, and I realize he's in a t-shirt and jeans and I'm still sitting in a t-shirt and board shorts from the BBQ earlier. Although I've been kept quite warm from Clare's body heat and the blanket that's been put over her to keep her warm today.

"Well the stuff I'm in is fairly comfortable at the moment, but I haven't called my mom since I've been here to tell her what's been going on, or that I'm staying here tonight. I know they trust me, but I'm sure since I ran out of the BBQ with Clare having a seizure in my arms this morning their probably kind of worried. All they knew was I was bring her to the hospital with Bianca and Drew," I tell him.

"My jeans aren't the most comfortable, but I can live. I should probably call Katie to let her know what's going on, but I can also call your parents just so they know you're ok, and where you'll be tonight," he suggests and I thank him as I pull my phone from my pocket. "They probably won't want me using the phone in here, so I'll just go out to the hall. What's your mom's name?" he questions.

"My parents are Stacey and James, and my mom's number is in my phone under emergency numbers," I tell him and then he walk out to the hallway.

While Jake is gone, I start questioning again. But I'm thinking about the future this time. I can picture myself going to TU for sports therapy, and getting a diploma, and how proud my parents and Tris are of me. But I also notice that Clare is in the crowd cheering for me, and then I see myself kissing her. Then we're a couple years older, and I can see myself in a black tux under an arch of branches and flowers with Tris by my side, and then I see Clare walking up on Jake's arm in a white wedding gown, and I'm speechless. I mean, literally speechless, both in the dream and as I'm lying in the hospital bed with her. Could this possibly be my future? I wonder, and realize that my mouth didn't only drop and then grow into a huge smile in my dream, but it did here in the hospital room too. As I come back to reality, I see Jake has come back in.

"What are you smiling about?" he questions, but it's in no way harsh, just curious.

"Just thinking, about the future."

"It must have been good for the smile on your face," he remarks with a laugh, before sitting down in the chair again.

"It was, believe me, I just hope I can make it reality someday," I respond, with the huge smile still plastered on my face, as I can still picture Clare in the dress. "So what did my parents say?" I question when I'm thinking clearly again.

"They were glad to know you were okay, and proud that you were taking care of a friend so well. I didn't really get into the details, but said you had permission to stay here overnight with her, and suggested they come by tomorrow morning and bring you some clean clothes," Jake tells me, and I'm thankful he was thinking of that.

"Thanks for doing that dude, I don't really want to have to get up if I don't have to," I comment.

"Ya, I've noticed," he tells me and I smile.

"You know, I wonder why it took me until my last semester of high school to actually take a real notice of Clare, and for us to become friends. Or what she's been dealing with, and that she was even sick until today," I remark out loud for myself as I've been wondering these things off and on all day in my head, but finally felt like I needed to voice them out loud even if no one, including Jake answered me.

"Well," Jake answers me anyway, "I'm thinking you were too busy hanging out in the ravine, and drinking and hitting on girls who might actually put out, then spending time getting to know a girl a year younger who loves writing, and is into physics and French and has beliefs that don't include sleeping around. Then it took you time to clean up your act, and focus on school before you could actually take the time to notice a girl like Clare," he reminds me and I begin to feel guilty for the stupid stuff I did that I didn't take the time to notice a sweet girl, who is smart and beautiful, and has much more going on then what's between her legs.

"When it comes to stuff in her life," he continues, "she's the type that tries to deal with everything by herself or with as little help as possible, so it makes sense to me why you would have heard about KC and Eli until after the fact as they became school rumours and gossip, and why she told very few people about what happened with Asher. Plus for most of that stuff you two barely spoke, not to mention friends yet," and I realize he's right.

"And remember, she didn't even tell her mom she was sick. Plus we didn't know for sure for a while, and then there was school and exams, and she's such a school oriented person, that her sickness probably just seemed like the symptoms of stress if you didn't know she was sick, but once school finished and her cancer spread it became more clear she was sick, and you happened to be with her when the symptoms hit her head on," he tells me, and I realize that I can't really feel guilty for not knowing, but I wish we had been close enough friends that she could have talked to me, but I guess that's what I got this morning. She trusted me enough to tell me today anyway.

"Thanks man, I guess it all makes sense, I just wish I hadn't been so dense and pig-headed and such a bully and maybe I would have noticed Clare a lot sooner than this," I say still scolding myself slightly.

"True, but remember, if you hadn't been that guy then, then you wouldn't be this guy, and probably wouldn't be lying in that hospital bed holding Clare now. You may not know how she's feel about you at the moment, but if you hadn't been that guy, things could have been very different. She may have dated you instead of KC, Eli or me, and then there may have been a very different outcome either positively or negatively on our relationship, going from dating to step-siblings, and no offense dude but I actually think we're doing better as step-siblings then we did dating. But don't tell her that," he tells me and I laugh and promise not to.

"And who knows, you could have dated, and broken up, and be miserable now. She could still have gotten sick, and wouldn't have been with you when she fainted or had the seizure and may have even died. Instead of falling for her now that you've cleaned up, are going to get an education, and can be the person she needs in her life as it crumbles, even if you don't know how she feels for a few more hours," he remarks, and I realize how right he is, and as we'll never know what could have been, I'm glad where my life is now.

"Thanks, I really needed that reality check on the good things I have going for me," I tell him, and then shift slightly. "I think I'm gonna get her and I comfortable and try to get some sleep now."

"Sounds good, I will too," he says then stands walking toward the door hitting the light switch leaving the only light left in the room from the machines hooked up to Clare, and one beam of light from the full moon through the window. I hear Jake sit on the cot and remove his shoes, and I'm guessing his jeans from the noise I hear, but I don't care, I know jeans are uncomfortable to sleep in, plus I can't see him. I shift Clare up a bit so I can move myself into a lying position on the hospital bed and can lay Clare's head on my chest and put my arms around her again.

I've just gotten comfortable and am laying Clare's head down when I realize I don't feel her breathing. I take her pulse quickly and feel only the faintest beat. "Jake," I call knowing he's not yet asleep, "she's stopped breathing and I can't reach the call button from here, hurry!" I inform him, and try to get her and myself into upright positions again, which is difficult from this angle.

I hear Jake scramble to get up and reach the call button at super speed, pressing it and then moving toward the door to turn on the lights again, while I get myself and Clare sitting up. I see Jake go put his jeans back on, and then in comes the night shift doctor. "I'm Doctor Blake, what's happened here?" he questions calmly.

"I can't feel her breathing, and she has almost no pulse, it's extremely faint," I tell him rapidly, as I don't want to lose her because we were too slow.

He feels for her pulse, and then quickly grabs an oxygen mask from a shelf by the wall and adds the tubing to an oxygen machine, moving it closer to the bed. "Please lift her head for me," he requests, and I do as he put the mask on her face, the straps over her head and turns on the machine. "Due to the medicines she's still being slowly taken off of to come out of the coma, her body can't always regulate her breathing dependant on the position she is in. Were you sitting up like this when you noticed the problem," he asks, and I feel a pang of guilt.

"No we had decided to try getting some sleep, so I had just gotten us both comfortable lying down, no one told me I couldn't," I tell him, and I hope that wasn't wrong.

"I see, well she needs to be kept elevated, so you can lay down against the bed, but the head of it must be kept elevated so she is," he tells me, and I nod, as I'm not sure what to say. He checks her pulse again then tells us, "she has a stronger pulse again, and I can see her breathing by her chest movements so I will leave you alone to sleep. She should keep the oxygen on to help her system though."

"Yes, of course," Jake comments and the doctor leaves.

"I'm so sorry Jake, I didn't know," I tell him.

"It's not your fault Owen, neither of us knew, no one said anything. You should try to get some sleep."

"Not sure I could sleep now, but I'll try. Goodnight Jake."

"Night," he says. He kisses Clare's cheek before turning out the light and getting back on the cot. I move Clare and I to a laying position again, but make sure the oxygen mask is still on, and she's in a position where I know she's elevated and breathing. I put my arms around her lightly with her head back on my chest, and I'm able to fall asleep, but it's a restless sleep, although I attempt not to move too much. I have many questions and think about my past and my future, but I see Clare in all these future pictures. And I hope this can be our future. But I also think about what Jake said earlier, about Clare being a girl whose beliefs are strong, and I wonder how after everything she's been through, how her faith can still be so strong, even though she doesn't know about everything yet. I try to sleep as long as possible, but wake up about 6am and can't fall back to sleep this time.

I know Jake is still asleep, but I feel like I need to question out loud this time, to work it out for myself, rather than letting it all play in my head again. I move to sit up slightly and begin whispering my thoughts and questions into the silent room.

"I don't understand it. I don't even know if I believe in a god, or in God, but I know Clare's faith has remained through everything she's been through. Even when she questioned it due to her parent's divorce and her father's affair she never lost it, but what I don't understand is how? How could a God that is supposed to be loving and full of forgiveness and grace put her through so much in her young life, when all she's done is have faith in him? How could this god do so much to her in her young life? I mean the harassment, manipulation, embarrassment, judgement, cheating, verbal abuse, broken hearts, being neglected, not to mention the cancer and surgery, plus everything she's been put through by her sister's issues, and her parents. She doesn't deserve to be put through so much heartache and pain, and she doesn't even know about what's happened this weekend," I sigh and tighten my arms around her. "She deserves happiness and to live a full life, she's been put through too much in these first 17 years, to go through anything else bad in her life. I want that for her, I want her to be happy, and even if I don't or maybe never get it, I know her faith is a part of her and she can't lose that now. She's lost too much already. And I know now that I want to be there and do whatever I can to keep seeing her smile. I love you Clare Edwards," I say louder than a whisper, and although I've been feeling and thinking about it, this is the first time those words have come out of my mouth.

"I love you too Owen Milligan," I all of a sudden hear in the empty room surprising me, and I jump in the bed and still hold her tight. My eyes shoot downward and I see gorgeous blue eyes and a stunning smile staring back at me, without the oxygen mask. "And when it comes to God, he doesn't say we won't have troubles, but he does say that he'll be with us through them all. And that each of his children have gifts and purpose. Do you really think you'd be here with me now and even questioning if there is a God, and his love, if I hadn't been through all the stuff I had and came out stronger for it? Plus I'm the common factor between all of you who have been here with me, and now you're all like family. If I wasn't sick do you think you'd have ever met Emma, Spinner, Jay or spent the night in the hospital with Jake?" she asks, and I realize she is right. If it wasn't for Clare, I wouldn't even think there was a god, and now I'm thinking he's real and how he could do what he has to Clare. Maybe she's right and there really is something to this faith thing. I also look up when she mentions Jake, and see him sitting up in the cot with a smile on his face.

"I told you I didn't think you had anything to worry about dude," Jake tells me, and now Clare and I smile too. The room is brighter due to the sun through the window, and I notice him putting on his jeans, but turn away quickly.

"So were you able to hear everybody that was in here, and everything that was said?" I question now that I'm thinking a little more.

"I heard bits and pieces yesterday, and I know the voices so I could tell most of who was here, and then I heard everything you said once you woke up this morning," she tells me.

"I'm going to go get the doctor, and call everybody so they can come by when visiting hours start. I'm so happy you're awake Clare, and we have a lot to talk about and discuss once you're up and feeling better and everyone is here," he tells her before coming over and kissing her cheek, before he leaves the room.

"So what now?" Clare questions.

"What do you mean?" I ask as I'm not sure what she's referring to.

"Well you said you love me, knew I couldn't lose my faith, and wanted to do whatever you could to always see me smile, so what now?" she asks again with a slight smile.

"I think I get it now," I comment, and then I lean down and capture her lips with mine and put all my love and feelings for her into our first kiss, and I can feel her love and passion for me also. We don't break apart until I hear the door open and see Jake and Doctor Evans standing there, both with smiles. I pull away, and see a gleaming smile on Clare's face and this makes my heart full, and I know right now that no matter what happens with her custody, she's is my future.

**Well that's it for this story. I hope you all liked it, and check back each Saturday cause that's when I'll post new stories or chapters. It wont be every week, but I'll do it whenever I get one done. **

**I'm curious ... for those of you who read Scared Trail did anyone guess who the cop was that Fitz was talking to at the end? I guess he wasn't really a cop in the story, but I believe was a security guard and I'd like to think became a cop. Any guesses?**


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